He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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