We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
