Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
