You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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