i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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