I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
