Porn is love you can see.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I touched a dick in church today
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
