I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
