I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
COCAINE IS GR8
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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