I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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