Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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