Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This house was built for laser tag.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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