He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
