Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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