he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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