Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
