i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My breasts were aching with rage.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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