No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
