i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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