im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
