i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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