Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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