I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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