How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
