I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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