it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
