and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
