Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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