i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
