and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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