He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A+ Viking dick
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
