six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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