I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
