We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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