You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
