I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
