i barfeds in our rink
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
