There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
