Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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