Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
