can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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