walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
