Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
