I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
