Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
