I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
