I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
