The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
wow bdsm is so cute
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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