I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
