Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
