he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
